Sponge bath it is.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
