When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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