Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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