Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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