last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
