Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
