I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize