So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
