You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
