just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
