the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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