I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and she was petting her beer can
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
