3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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