were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
