FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
