I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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