dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
