Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
