You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
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Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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