After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
