walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
