mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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