Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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