he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
