nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
