I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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