Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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