I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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