We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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