I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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