Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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