Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
