Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
