High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
