She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
