So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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