Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
