you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
