i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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