dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
