there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you had me at cake vodka
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
