oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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