take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My penis needs a shock collar
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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