every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
