I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
