like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
