I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
