The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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