forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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