Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
