Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
