I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
