she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's like iHOP with fire
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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