Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
