he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
