I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
