i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize