So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
