I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
