so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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