we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
