I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
