wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
