Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
