its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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