You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
