At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
