she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
