she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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