Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just forgot I was standing up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
