So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
