Well douche your snatch and let's go!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
