I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize