I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
