turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
